When a child in the family is struggling with their mental health, the ripple effects touch everyone in the home. These impacts can show up in many ways. Some are subtle, some are profound. Some may appear right away, others only surface over time.
But they all matter. And while it’s natural to focus on the child in crisis, it’s just as important to keep an eye out for how siblings are doing, too.
The “glass child.” Seeing and supporting siblings who feel invisible
I want to start by saying: if you’re a parent navigating this, you’re doing the best you can. When a child is in crisis, it can feel like you’re fighting for survival, yours and your family’s. No one ever plans for this, and we are all figuring it out as we go.
What I’m about to share is not a criticism, but a gentle reminder of something that often happens unintentionally.
When one child’s needs become especially urgent, one’s attention naturally shifts toward that child. But sometimes that shift can last a long time. Over time, siblings may start to feel overlooked, less important, or invisible.
This is where the idea of the “glass child” comes in. It refers to children whose sibling’s significant medical or mental health needs take center stage in the home. These “glass children” may seem like they’re doing fine on the outside, but they may be silently internalizing a lot. They often don’t want to burden their already-stressed parents, so they try to be the “easy one,” the “good one,” or the one who never complains.
As described in an article by the Cleveland Clinic in What To Know About Glass Child Syndrome, these siblings may suppress their own feelings or needs. Over time, this can lead to their own emotional challenges, including anxiety, depression, or behavioral changes.
How you can support siblings
It can be hard to give every child what they need, especially in moments of crisis. But small, intentional acts can go a long way in making your other children feel seen, heard, and valued.
Here are some ways to support siblings during this time:
1. Make time to check in regularly
Even brief one-on-one moments matter. Carve out time to ask how your other child is feeling about school, friends, or what’s happening at home. They don’t need you to have all the answers; they just need to know they’re heard.
2. Acknowledge their role and their feelings
Let them know it’s okay to have complicated emotions, love, frustration, fear, even jealousy. Normalize their feelings without judgment. You might say, “It’s okay to feel upset sometimes. This is hard on everyone.”
3. Create safe spaces for expression
Encourage journaling, drawing, or quiet activities that give them space to process. Not every child will want to talk, but they may express themselves in other ways.
4. Consider professional or school-based support
Having a neutral person to talk to, like a therapist, school counselor, or mentor can be incredibly helpful. Let your child know it’s okay to have “their person” to lean on, just like their sibling does.
If professional support isn’t financially feasible, school counselors or social workers can be a great resource. Letting them know about the challenges at home can help them keep an eye out for any changes at school.
5. Explore sibling support groups
Some communities or mental health organizations offer groups just for siblings. These can be powerful spaces where kids feel seen and understood by others who “get it.”
You can search the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) website at www.nami.org/findsupport to find support groups near you. Local NAMI affiliates may offer virtual or in-person groups for families, caregivers, or siblings. These groups are free and confidential.
A quick check-in tool for parents
Here are a few simple questions to help you reflect:
- Has my child had one-on-one time with me this week?
- Have they expressed any strong emotions I might have brushed off?
- Are they showing changes in mood, sleep, or school performance?
- Do they know they are just as important as their sibling?
What you can say to help siblings feel seen
Finding the right words in the moment can be tough. Here are a few that might help:
- “I know we’ve been focused on your sibling a lot lately, but I want you to know how much I see you and love you.”
- “Your feelings matter just as much as theirs.”
- “You’re allowed to feel however you feel. I’m here to listen.”
- “I’m sorry it feels like I haven’t been paying attention. I see you, and I want to do better.”
Validating feelings: Letting them know their feelings are okay
Sometimes the most powerful thing we can do as parents is simply listen and let our children know that their feelings are real and okay. This is especially important for siblings who may be trying to stay strong, fly under the radar, or avoid “rocking the boat” while their sibling is in crisis.
Validation doesn’t mean fixing, solving, or having the perfect response. It means sitting beside your child in whatever they’re feeling, and letting them know they’re not wrong for feeling it.
Here are some phrases you can use to help validate and hold space for your child’s emotions.
When they’re expressing big emotions
- “It makes so much sense that you feel that way.”
- “Thank you for sharing that with me. I know it’s not always easy.”
- “It’s okay to feel upset, or even angry. Your feelings are never too much for me.”
- “You’re not being dramatic. You’re being honest, and that’s really brave.”
When they feel overlooked or unimportant
- “You matter so much to me. I’m sorry if it hasn’t felt that way lately.”
- “I see how patient you’ve been, and I’m really proud of you. But you shouldn’t have to feel invisible.”
- “You are just as important as your sibling, even if things feel unbalanced sometimes.”
- “Needing love, attention, or help doesn’t mean you’re being selfish—it means you’re human.”
When you’re not sure what to say
- “I might not have the perfect words, but I’m here. I’m listening.”
- “I may not always get it right, but I want to know how you’re really doing.”
- “You can tell me anything. I promise I’ll listen with my heart, not just my ears.”
Validation builds trust. It tells your child: you don’t have to pretend, you don’t have to be perfect, and you are never too much.
These words and actions can help a child feel seen, heard, and safe—even during uncertain times.
Showing up matters most
Parenting through a child’s mental health challenges is incredibly hard and doing it while caring for their siblings is even harder. But just by reading this, by thinking about all of your children, you’re already taking the first step.
You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to keep showing up with love, curiosity, and a willingness to listen. That’s what matters most.
You’ve got this – and you’re not alone.
Laurie
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